Say Goodbye

Thirteen celebrities have announced they would leave America if Mr. Trump were elected.  They are:

Miley Cyrus: Miley wants nothing to do with Mr. Trump. She’s repeatedly made posts about how dangerous and offensive he is,  calling him a “f*cking nightmare,” but her hatred for him reached a peak when she said she would “move out da country” if he won.  Bye, bye Miley...

Amy Schumer:  Like Miley, Amy hasn’t been shy about how much she dislikes Donald Trump, including that his winning the election would change her whole stand-up routine!  Frankly, we have been hoping something would as it has long been lamely "blue."

Amy is very creative, writes comedy, directs and acts well, but has a predisposition to "get it in the cracks" and stay there until you are praying she has a heart attack or at least throw up!  She claims,  “My act will change because I will need to learn to speak Spanish,” she said on BBC’s Newsnight in September. “...because I will move to Spain or somewhere."  We assume " or somewhere" means Central or South America, but Amy would soon find herself in a dank jail stomping roaches given her earthy language.  Spanish speaking countries are very conservative socially and natural conservtives politically, but the Republican Party has not caught onto that yet.  Mr. Trump may change that.

Chelsea Handler: Chelsea, a huge Hillary supporter, said, “I did buy a house in another country just in case,” she said on Live with Kelly and Michael in May. “So all these people that threaten to leave the country and then don’t. I actually will leave that country.” 

If Chelsea thinks buying a house in foreign country will do it she is badly informed.  Most require you make a very substantial deposit in one of their banks, in their currency, which typically costs 8% plus, before becoming a residant and when you leave you will "play Hell" getting it back, if ever, like never.

Lena Dunham: Let’s not pretend we’re even surprised by this. She said she “loves” Canada and would “100 percent” move there if necessary.  Lena had better talk to the Canadians to see how they feel about that.  

If she has had any trouble with the law they will not let her in for more than the term of one tourist visa.  It could also be the end of her career as agents and casting directors will only hire people who live in the area and where she would be lucky to get one part in 50 she auditioned for she is going to be doing a lot of flying.

Jon Stewart: If there’s a guy who knows politics, it’s Jon. Now that he doesn’t have a show tying him to America, he doesn’t mind leaving. “I’m getting in a rocket and going to another planet,” he told People. “Because clearly this planet’s gone bonkers.”  Jon is probably one man who may pull it off as he is quite wealthy and could easily get together with Elon Musk, volunteer and pay for a one way ride to Mars.  Much as we like John we have sent him Elon's cell number.

Cher: Cher is a powerful woman, so of course she’s supporting another powerful woman and saying, "If he were to be elected, I'm moving to Jupiter," Cher wrote on Twitter.  No one knows whether or not Cher realizes you cannot book a First Class ticket to Jupiter. When Sonny Bono was dating her, he told her Mount Rushmore was a natural formation!  She believed him!  Poor Sonny skied into a tree in California and that takes some doing as our ski slopes are well designed.

Whoopi Goldberg: Whoopi has long been an outspoken Democrat, but no candidate has ever made her want to leave America like Donald. “Maybe it’s time for me to move, you know. I can afford to go,” she said on The View in January.

Chalk up one for "the Donald."  Many would applaud her all the way to the border if Whoopi Goldberg were packed up and leaving, never to return.

Raven-Symone:  Another lady from The View feels quite irate.  She said in February she would move to Canada “if any Republican gets nominated.”  We think she probably meant elected, but that may well reflect her shallow understanding of our electoral process.

Raven is the classic liberal, mindless, show-biz idiot that is pretty and has enough talent to sing, dance or produce a few lines of written script, remember a few gags or bits and get them out without vomiting, chocking, burping or farting.

Keegan-Michael Key: Is also ready to leave America for Canada. “It’s like, ten minutes from Detroit,” he said in January. “That’s where I’m from; my mom lives there. It’d make her happy too.”  By all means, Keegan-Michael Key.  Did you invent that double-barreled first name?  Why do we feel it is the most creative thing you have ever done or ever will do?

Ne-Yo: Say it ain’t so! We can’t lose this talented R and B crooner who said, “Me and Drake gonna be neighbors in Canada if Donald Trump be president,” he told TMZ one month before the election through a white translator, psychiatric nurse.

Amazing this mental midget could come up with such a concept a full month before the event.  Why do we have difficulty with this idea?

Samuel L. Jackson:  He’s had it with this "...mother f***ing Trump in this mother f***ing election," said Sam in an expletive rant not worth repeating.  Sam said he would be “...moving my black ass to South Africa,” in a broadcast with Jimmy Kimmel.

Barbra Streisand: Babs loves Hillary, and said she wouldn’t hesitate to bail and run to Canada if Hil didn’t take the White House on Nov. 8!

Not only is Barbra notoriously difficult to work with but she does not understand an inauguration has to happen on Januray 20, 2017 before the new President, and family, move in.  Meanwhile, is there anything we can do to facilitate your move, Babs?  We will be doing a block party the weekend after you leave your Paradise Cove, CA estate and recover the cove for the real people.

Bryan Cranston Heisenberg: can handle drug lords, but he draws the line at Donald Trump. Bryan said he would “definitely move” if Donald wins.  

We do not have a clue as to who you are, Bryan, but wonder if you may be the son of Lamont Cranston of old radio fame?  As "The Shadow," he could "cloud men's minds to make himself invisible and apparently you too could do this trick by moving to Canada.  Guess it runs in families...

Hillary Clinton voters totally freaking out about the election night results are, apparently, looking to relocate as soon as possible.

The "Immigration Canada" website has had so many requests in the early hour the site completely crashed, giving its users a, "Error 440" message.

Progressives and Democrats across America are finding themselves disappointed a second time as Canada’s Citizenship and Immigration Bureau simply cannot handle the number of requests for asylum from a Donald Trump Presidency.

https://twitter.com/MrPlebabe/status/796197258484207616

The site later rallied and was live again around 4.30am East Coast time. Americans looking to flee Trump will likely be surprised at how difficult relocating to Canada actually is even with a functioning immigration website.

Canadians have been fighting against accepting greater numbers of political refugees as they are usually freaky, cranky and troublesome. We can attest to that likelihood in these cases and understand why the Canadian government has been deeply considering curbing border-jumping.

Nonetheless, and without exception, we hope these people make it.

Adrian Vance