Democrat Goals

Joint Session of Congress

We here shamelessly copy and edit the Babylon Bee prediction of the Democrat Party legislative program.  We apologize and will respond quickly to a threat of legal action from them to erase this crime on their creativity:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats have released a complete list of all their legislative goals for the next two years, and it's worse than we imagined.  America may not survive: Brace yourself and read through this list which we got from the guy who had his foot on Speaker Nancy Pelosi's desk. 

The Impeach Trump Again Act - Requires Trump to be impeached every week until the end of time.

The Inclusion and Justice Act - Requires everyone to bake cakes for gay weddings. It will also require everyone to be gay.

The Fairness Act - Will set the minimum wage to whatever Elon Musk makes per hour.

The John Act - Requires all men to sit down when they pee. (Note:  This was not written by a woman, but a man who's wife paddles him when he is bad.)

The Common Sense 'Don't Hate Kids' Act - Bans assault weapons and the letters 'A' and 'R', the number 15 so they can never be made again.  Will confiscate all assault rifles to be melted down to make a statue of Joe Biden riding a donkey bareback while waving a pen.

The Greener New Deal - Just like the Green New Deal, but with more Communism, change our name to:  The Peoples Democratic Republic of Amerika.

The Justice Act - Will require the Supreme Court to consist only of  registered Democrats, empower women by requiring all men to become pregnant, bear children and get spanked when they leave the toilet seat up.

The Kindness and Uniformity Act - Everyone's pronouns must be tattooed to their foreheads. They must also shave their heads and wear  grey jumpsuits or spend one year in re-education camps.

The Nutrition Act - Will limit each family to only one loaf of bread per week as Americans are too damn fat. Cannibalism will be legal as slaughterhouses will be outlawed as we will "eat the rich." All foods must now contain doses of birth control drugs.

The Insurrection Act 2 -  Declare all unborn babies to be enemies of the state unless they are carried by an illegal alien who votes Democrat.

The No More Racist Founding Documents Act -  Will replace The Bill of Rights with The Bill of Lefts. Will also draft a new Declaration of Dependence on the State.  And, a Constitution that gives $1 million to any black citizen that can trace his/her ancestors back to a slave brought here in chains and told of being in chains and whipped.

The Hurt God Act - Erases God as a fraud for not fixing his broken "smite."   We also want to know if the Three Wise Men following a star to find Jesus thought the world was flat. 

The Omnibus Bill - Congressional prints $100 Billion for Iran to make nuclear missiles, and pass a new law requiring all children's cartoons to have at least three gay lead/hero characters.  ("3" because it is the first odd number after "1."  So much for our Numerology...)

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Comment:  We applaud the Babylon Bee as this humor is not only needed, but we suspect much closer to the truth than it should be, but that is a mark of quality all such humor as it should be and rarely is but the Babylon Bee produces it regularly.  AV