This would have been my first wife Carol's 80th birthday, but she did not see 50 as a cancer unknown to her took her life suddenly one morning on her way to the shower. She had no idea she was ill which is a strange inconsistency in her most unusual life. She was usually aware of everything and utterly graceful in life, motion and speech.
Carol was the most intelligent person I had ever known; the most widely read, able to synthesize solutions of disparate data, facts and ideas. She was the lady to whom the discussion went to for resolution at a faculty or business meeting. dinner table discussion where she was an exquisite hostess and "always Carol." With my experience and talents in the kitchen, we put on some really great dinner parties. No one masters a "Joy of Cooking" quicker or better than a chemist. I even mastered a Jewish cookbook and a Chinese cookbook to boot.
Carol moved with grace in every situation; just being with her made me feel like a man. This is the essence of femininity; that to which men respond and appreciate totally. She was no "belle." just a very graceful being; like a swan gliding in a clear pond.
We may be born separately, but only really exist in pairs and feel incomplete without a compliment. Once found that relationship never fades; it is forever. Several species do this naturally. Once mated is forever, but in our case even stronger forces tore us apart. Carol fell to what ancient Greeks called, "The Sacred Disease" as they too had observed it emerged in some of their most brilliant people.
Today we call it Schizophrenia and if I were "the partner" again I would call a Catholic priest and not a psychiatrist because I believe another spirit was trying to occupy and take over her body from the time she was nine years old when she self-diagnosed her affliction.
Our divorce was her way of releasing me not having told me of her problem before we married. She thought she had it under control, but somehow in women especially it takes over at age 32. It is one of the great medical mysteries of all time. The answer will be one of great accomplishments ever as we have thousands of schizophrenics in America.
The end of life is that of another experiment as God, Mother Nature or chance remove us to make way for a new model. This made Carol's early passing a special mystery as she was superb in every other respect; a "new model" if there were one, but having self-diagnosed her schizophrenia at age nine she would never have a child in order to bring an end the family curse.
Had I to do it over again I would not have consulted psychiatrists, when she collapsed even though one was a good friend: I would call a Catholic priest in light of an axiom of antiquity. The Greeks called Schizophrenia "the sacred disease." I believe a rogue male spirit was trying to occupy her mind as the voice that spoke to her was male. The literature is replete with accounts of this kind. We have much to learn.
Adrian Vance
Carol was the most intelligent person I had ever known; the most widely read, able to synthesize solutions of disparate data, facts and ideas. She was the lady to whom the discussion went to for resolution at a faculty or business meeting. dinner table discussion where she was an exquisite hostess and "always Carol." With my experience and talents in the kitchen, we put on some really great dinner parties. No one masters a "Joy of Cooking" quicker or better than a chemist. I even mastered a Jewish cookbook and a Chinese cookbook to boot.
Carol moved with grace in every situation; just being with her made me feel like a man. This is the essence of femininity; that to which men respond and appreciate totally. She was no "belle." just a very graceful being; like a swan gliding in a clear pond.
We may be born separately, but only really exist in pairs and feel incomplete without a compliment. Once found that relationship never fades; it is forever. Several species do this naturally. Once mated is forever, but in our case even stronger forces tore us apart. Carol fell to what ancient Greeks called, "The Sacred Disease" as they too had observed it emerged in some of their most brilliant people.
Today we call it Schizophrenia and if I were "the partner" again I would call a Catholic priest and not a psychiatrist because I believe another spirit was trying to occupy and take over her body from the time she was nine years old when she self-diagnosed her affliction.
Our divorce was her way of releasing me not having told me of her problem before we married. She thought she had it under control, but somehow in women especially it takes over at age 32. It is one of the great medical mysteries of all time. The answer will be one of great accomplishments ever as we have thousands of schizophrenics in America.
The end of life is that of another experiment as God, Mother Nature or chance remove us to make way for a new model. This made Carol's early passing a special mystery as she was superb in every other respect; a "new model" if there were one, but having self-diagnosed her schizophrenia at age nine she would never have a child in order to bring an end the family curse.
Had I to do it over again I would not have consulted psychiatrists, when she collapsed even though one was a good friend: I would call a Catholic priest in light of an axiom of antiquity. The Greeks called Schizophrenia "the sacred disease." I believe a rogue male spirit was trying to occupy her mind as the voice that spoke to her was male. The literature is replete with accounts of this kind. We have much to learn.
Adrian Vance
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