Three Guy Fables

Hello cousin:
  
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim Terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.  Lets have a look at the evidence:

No Christmas

No television 

No nude women

No football  

No pork chops

No hot dogs 

No burgers 

No beer

No bacon

Rags for clothes

Towels for hats

Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower

More than one wife

More than one mother in law 

You can't shave 

Your wife can't shave 

You can't wash off the smell of donkey

You cook over burning camel shit

Your wife is picked by someone else for you

and your wife smells worse than your donkey

Then they tell you that, "when you die, it all gets better?"

Well, no Shit, Sherlock! 

It's not like it could get much worse!

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Today my wife said to me, "Honey, get off your ass and fix that gutter downspout!  I want it done before the end of the day!”

Well, as you all know, at my age, and most of my friends, are retired and do have the time to address such "Honey do's"….So, I invited some of my buddies over to help with the project.

One is a sheet metal worker.

One is an Iron Worker so he came with his welder.

One brought beer and Nachos.

One brought a grill and burgers.

It took us about 6 hours, and 30 to 40 beers, but we got it done just as we finished off the last of the beer and burgers.

As usual, the wife is still not happy!!

Can't understand, cause all us guys love it!

Personally, I cannot wait for it to rain.

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A MALE FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess immediately said,        "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after,

and rode motorcycles

and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women,

and hunted

and fished

and raced cars,

and went to titty bars

and dated ladies half his age

and drank whiskey, beer,

and Captain Morgan,

and never heard bitching

and never paid child support or alimony,

and dated cheerleaders

and kept his house

and guns,

and ate Spam

and potato chips

and beans,

and blew big farts,

and never got cheated on while he was at work,

and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as Hell,

and he had tons of money in the bank,

and left the toilet seat up.

The End

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Thanks to John Dusek for this contribution.