The Costco Doctor

Now that "Health Care," which should be called "Sick Care," is back on the front page and in prime time, we should cast about for solutions to the basic problem, which includes doctors practicing defensive medicine.  OK, so what is a "doctor."

Physicians learn anatomy, an affliction classification system called "diagnosis" and a collection of nostrums, potions, poultices, compounds, salves, injectibles, inhalants and drugs called a "pharmacopia."  It is a massive amount of information that changes continually, needs updating every few weeks, which is not often accomplished by practitioners. This is a job for computers and a frequent contributor to these pages, Dr. Jame Rust, Ph.D. Nuclear Physics offered the following:
  
 One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck.   I guess I'd better see a doctor."

 "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. 
There's a diagnostic computer at Costco. Give it a urine sample, and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposited a urine sample in a small jar and took it to Costco.
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine. sample.  He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.  It will improve in two weeks.  Thank you for shopping at Costco." That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe wondered how the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample personally donated for good measure. Joe hurried back to Costco, eager to check the results.   

He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the result. The computer printed the following:   

1. Your tap water is too hard.  Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 
2. Your  dog has ringworm.  Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 
3. Your  daughter has a cocaine habit.  Get her into rehab. 
4. Your wife is pregnant, twins, and they aren't yours.  Get a lawyer. 
5. If you don't stop playing  with yourself, your elbow will never get better!  Thank you for shopping at Costco!"

This is a gag, but it may well be a peek at the future.  Now a simple visit to a doctor can cost $100 to $300 depending on location.  There are services like Lifeline that enable you to track your physiology as time goes on.  A major reason medicine is so expensive is that lawyers hover over doctors like packs of wolves waiting for a weakness and an opportunity to attack.  The average doctor's office now includes a staff of several clerks doing nothing, but dealing with insurance forms and offices to get paid.  The cost of that office work is a significant part of your cost.

This is an area overripe for a comprehensive study and laws to eliminate the wolves, scammers and inefficiencies.  Our government, particularly the Democrats, have seen medical care as an opportunity for the acquisition of money and power, a thirst they have with no bottom.  They want it all.  Long live the Costco Doctor.

Adrian Vance