Utah Monolith Votes Mystery

 

 Utah Monolith Votes?

 

“UTAH DESERT—Scientists, politicians and conspiracy theorists are baffled after a monolith-shape stack of Trump voting ballots was discovered without explanation in the middle of the Utah desert.

"RIGGED ELECTION CONFIRMED!" tweeted Donald Trump after seeing the news on his private Twitter feed. "They found my missing votes! There must be 10 million in that stack!" 

Federal officials insist Trump's allegations are "baseless" as they are all milking the “global warming” myth having learned how easy it was on the “Ozone Hole” gag claiming a thin shield of atomic oxygen, [O], lies atop the Troposphere protecting us from the sun’s ultraviolet light, or “rays” as they are wont to say where “ray” sounds evil and “light” does not."Ray" induces more panic and bigger grants.

Democrat “Poo-Pooers” say the strange stack of mail-in votes for Trump is more likely the result of a starving artist only trying to make a living in our evil world of  “millionaires and billionaires” or perhaps an alien visitor or UFO time traveler out to rig the election. 

Rudy Giuliani was seen rappelling down the side of a nearby cliff into the canyon of the monolith with Sidney Powell close behind, both in fashionable Swiss-made mountaineering gear. They examined the stack of ballots with flashlights and magnifying glasses like those seen in Sherlock Holmes movies.

They announced to the gathered, hissing press that by the time they are done examining all the ballots Mr. Trump will be revealed to be, “…the clear winner in all 50 states,” forgetting it is now 57 as that is what Barack Obama said and he is black and if you disagree you are a "racist."

We are not sure what an “unclear winner” would look like except he would be a Democrat and they come in all sizes, shapes and haircuts, but can be identified by protesting, gesturing with angry fists and loud expletives, screaming for “free stuff” and wearing “BLM” or “ANTIFA” tee shirts.  If you don’t give them anything they burn your house down, paint “RACIST” on your trees, car and dog. You had better not try to chase them off with a shotgun or water hose as you will be arrested and go to jail forever, which is longer than life and smells worse.

Adrian Vance